In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
