No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You took a bar mat shot.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
