I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
