You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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