i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
