Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
