you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
