today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
