You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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