it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
