is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
