Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
