i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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