i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
