arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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