I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
