I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
