why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
