yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
