don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
