Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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