Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I party with great urgency now.
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