6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
