hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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