Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
