i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
