Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
