booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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