but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
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So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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