please come you make the beer taste better
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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