He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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