I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
