I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
