I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
