The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
