i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
