Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
