There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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