Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
