Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just had sex bonerless
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
