he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My first STD was from a foam party
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
