so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
