I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
