I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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