I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
