:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
