why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Im part way to drunk.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
