I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
