Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
