I accidentally burped into my bong.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Randomize
