This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
