just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
