You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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