is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
