I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
