I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
