Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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