This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
