I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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