I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
