My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i think i just lost a toe
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
