Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
