After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
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I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
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