Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
