I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
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he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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