garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
