I showed him my bush... on skype.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
