two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
