Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
