My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
