just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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