I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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