it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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